When I speak to dads and others about these support groups, and other gatherings in the men’s work that I am involved with, the most commonly asked question is ‘so, what do you actually do at your dad’s support groups?‘.
Well, while one group is never the same as another, there are some similarities in what we get up to. So here’s a blog post that hopefully answers this question – here’s an outline of the kinds of things we do at these Support Groups for Dads.
Landing, and starting the session
At the start of the session there’s usually a moment or to to say hi, work out if or how some of us know each other, and have a bit of time for some less formal, more social chat. A bit of milling around and gathering together.
After the last Dad has appeared we would then find our seats in the ‘Octoshed’ (warmed up nicely by the woodburner), and get things started.
After introducing myself, welcoming the dads, and laying out a few practical things, we’d usually have a moment to stop and do some kind of body-led practice. This might be something like a simple breathing exercise or a body scan.
Landing in this way allows us to know enough about what we’re doing in the session and a little of how our bodies – and so we – are. Intentionally and hopefully a more present state of mind.
Next, a brief check-in
We carry on next with a check-in so everyone gets a chance to say hello, and share a little about themselves ( … also I’ve usually spent too much time talking by now so good to let ALL the dad’s have a voice! … ).
We might share things like where we’ve come from and how did we get here; how would we describe our ‘parenting situation’; what’s the most memorable thing that happened this last week; why we’ve come to the session; and so on – just a couple of things that allows everyone to contribute a little, and allows the group to ‘move a little closer in’.
When I’m inviting things like check-ins (or other times the group get a moment to contribute to each other) I’d often set a boundary here around everyone allowing the dad who is speaking, to speak without interruption. I’d also invite the participants to listen openly and (often a less easy thing to do) – restrain from offering advice unless expressly asked for! Ideally everyone gets the chance to really be listened to.
Usually then, an activity
Often there’s a theme set to an evening – for example something around the different things we have on our minds, that may affect the way we parent; or basic fundamental things like money or work, again that affect the way we are dads. So the activity will be related to that.
The activities might include things like: –
- Writing things down – like answers to some led questions (or pairing up and asking each other the questions);
- Using cards to lead discussions;
- Doing something more artistic or creative;
- Using objects to symbolise aspects of life – and then ways to share about them.
In the future the intention for the group is to include working in our communities – as part of the activity options.
Checking-out and closing the circle
By now it’d be time to check-out, close the circle and leave. The check-out is especially important so everyone has the chance to say what they want to say before we end.
Often there’s an invitation for the dads to think of and speak about a ‘take-away’ – something from the session that may have made an impression, or an impact; and perhaps some form of small thing to do or achieve that may be helpful to be as best a parent as we can.
And then – we’ll it’s pretty much time for all to be on our merry ways! We close the session, often with a final ‘one word’ answer about how we’re feeling ( … and we may even symbolically ‘release’ the session with some elaborate group hand shake! ).
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