It’s fair to say that before I’d experienced counselling I had some pre-defined assumptions about what counselling is. It turns out some of these were things counselling is not! Looking back, it was understandable – they were formed by films, second hand conversations, popular TV series (mainly from the US!) – and so these ideas were not entirely accurate.
Now, as a counsellor, when I first have a chat with a new client I will almost always give an overview of what kind of counselling I offer, and what that will be like when we are in a session. This made me think about another way I can help clients understand what counselling is – by writing about 5 things counselling is not.
So in this post, I am gently exploring five common misconceptions about counselling. Not to dismiss them so much (every counsellor has their own way of working), but to clarify what kind of counselling I offer by understanding what I don’t offer – the aim being to help my clients get a better understanding of what (not) to expect!
1. Counselling Is Not About Being Told What to Do
One of the most common expectations that a client may have is that a counsellor will hand out advice, instructions, or neat solutions. ‘Fix me quick’ may be something a client desires.
However, counselling isn’t about someone else deciding what’s best for a client’s life. Rather, it’s a space where clients are supported to explore what’s going on for them, to hear themselves think and feel more clearly, and to arrive at their own understanding and choices. The counsellor walks alongside the client, rather than out in front pointing the way.
2. Counselling Is Not Judgment, Criticism, or Assessment
Clients sometimes worry that counselling will involve being analysed, judged, or ‘found wanting’ in some way. That isn’t what being an ethical counselling is about at all (and if you find a counsellor who is doing this, then think seriously about walking away).
The counselling I provide intends to offer a non-judgemental, respectful, and safe space. Thoughts, feelings, doubts, contradictions – all of these experiences are welcome. The work in a counselling session is not about the client being ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, but about being honest and curious about their experience, and from there finding ways to accept and move through or with those experiences.
3. Counselling Is Not Advice-Giving, Coaching, or Mentoring
While counselling can overlap with other forms of support, it’s different from coaching or mentoring. A counsellor doesn’t draw on their own life experience to guide you, and we don’t focus solely on performance, goals, or outcomes.
Counselling is more relational and reflective than coaching or mentoring (and so is more appropriately sought at different stages of life). Counselling pays attention to emotions, patterns, feelings and meaning – not so much action plans or goals. Sometimes clarity emerges quietly, rather than through a list of steps, and when it arises from the client as opposed to the facilitator, then the outcome can be more effective, and more satisfying.
4. Counselling Is Not a Friendship
Counselling can feel warm, human, and deeply supportive – but It’s important to be clear here – it is not a friendship. And that distinction really matters.
‘Why?’ you may well ask. Well – the relationship between a counsellor and their client is unique. It is professional, with clear boundaries that exist to keep the space safe and focused on the client. Counselling is confidential, one-sided in its focus, and held within an agreed structure. It is also not a conversation in the way we experience it with friends. There is certainly communication, however it isn’t one where the counsellor offers things a friend may (like their own experience, advice, sympathy, or judgement). There is understanding, empathy, and challenge (at carefully considered moments) – which you may indeed find in the best of friendships. However, this unique relationship between a counsellor and a client allows clients to bring things they may struggle to share elsewhere, where there is the potential for consequence within friendship and social circles.
5. Counselling Is Not a Quick Fix
The final point here, about what counselling is not, relates to timing. We live in a culture that often looks for fast solutions, and counselling doesn’t promise that. It isn’t a sticking plaster or an instant cure, as in many ways it intends to help the client find deep and lasting support and change in the face of what it is they are facing.
Change tends to happen over time, through gentle attention and repeated exploration. From the person-centred perspective, it is the safety and trust that the unique relationship offers that allows for authentic change to occur.
Of course – some sessions may well feel powerful; other sessions may seem quieter or even frustrating. All of that can be part of the process.
A Final Word
If you’ve been unsure about counselling because of what you thought it might involve, I hope this has helped clarify things. Counselling can be a steady, human space to pause, reflect, and be met with care.
If you’re curious about starting counselling sessions with me, or simply want to ask a few questions before deciding, you’re very welcome to get in touch. You can contact me via email on cj@cjadams.co.uk, by text or phone on 07922 158720, or by filling out my contact form here – and we can explore together whether counselling feels like a good fit for you right now.
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